THE WELCOME WAGON
I helped my son and his family move into a new apartment this weekend....
I am sore, achy, and have mixed emotions about this move. He is my oldest son/child....my first baby...my first true love...(besides his daddy of course but that is a different kind of love...)...
He has babies, he has a wife, he has a life that no longer surrounds me. He makes decisions that don't require my approval / my two cents is exactly that TWO FREAKIN' CENTS.
He did tell me he was going to have to move...he had to make some changes...
I could feel the raw tension in his voice as he told me these things. It wasn't easy to say...it was pretty damn hard to hear. He was disappointed and I kept saying it will be okay...it will be better...I think I was lying to him as well as to myself.
My husband and I pulled up in the U-Haul and got out...
The sun was shining, it was beautiful on top of that hill...I started down the sidewalk and an unclothed boy, opened his door and yells at me to stay off his grass. "That's my grass!" He keeps repeating it, until even I believe him. There is no parent telling him to come inside and get clothes on or to brush his wild blond mop of hair...no parent comes out to check on this three or four year old to see where he is going...
I want to knock on his door and say hey wake up! Your son is out directing strangers and you don't know US! When he is satisfied that no one is going to step on his grass he goes back inside and stands sentry at the front door...I never saw him with clothes on...
We unload the truck and my three year old granddaughter is playing with some red leaves she picked up off the sidewalk...her mother and I are standing on the front stoop watching her ( there will be no unsupervised playing for her)...an elderly lady appears on the steps...
She asks my daughter-in-law if she is the one moving in??? She answers yes...wrong answer...
This lady begins yelling and screaming at her about no children playing in the kitchen...they don't allow children in the kitchen...mirrors have been broken...the other children living there had done things! We listened, we had no words for her when she was done with her rant...she turned in her baby blue slippers and baby blue housecoat and disappeared down those steps. Those terrible steps that connected her with them...My granddaughter looked at us and said "she was mad mommy"...we agreed.
I regret not walking up to the little toddler and saying hello, I regret not asking his name and finding out if he has a favorite color or favorite food...these things are important...we are neighbors after all.
I regret not going to the elderly lady and offering my hand or I think she needed a comforting shoulder, I regret not telling her that if she ever needs anything to just let us know...we are neighbors now after all.
But, I didn't and so, the next time I am over there, I will try and make amends...develop a different kind of welcome wagon...say "Hey, we get you...we are human beings and we care...it is so good to meet you, so good to talk...is there anything I can do for you today? Right now? I promise I will try to do better by you...I promise I will care....
